ThinkLady

A year of living with over-committing

It's been too long since I posted. Why? Because I'm totally, crazily, stupidly over-committed.

I am a classic over-committer, certified member of OA, Over-committers Anonymous. Knowing full well I have this problem, this year I once again put myself in front of the volunteer shredder and learned again, yes, there is a limit to how much I can do while running a home-based business, raising my family, maintaining friendships, learning new stuff, gardening and trying to live a joyful life.

I've missed birthdays of family members and friends, lunches with people who mean so much to me. I've missed moments with my daughter who ever so often reminds me I'm not listening to her (talk about stopping you in your tracks). I've discovered that when my to-do list is impossibly long, I feel overwhelmed, and this often just makes everything crazier.

I've also discovered that I can let go, miss meetings, be wholly imperfect, even fail and guess what, life still goes on. My family and friends are still there, forgiving, thank goodness. My clients are exceedingly patient and understanding. Sustainability work goes on, my volunteer colleagues thankfully still let me help. The world still spins. I am very happily, quite replaceable, insignificant even. And out of every failure, I've learned a thing or two.

This does not mean I'm advocating for failure, being irresponsible or less thoughtful. I am not.

Or that I don't recognize successes in my work, or the many things Transition Town OKC and Sustainable OKC accomplished this year (things I was a part of in some small or large way). I do.

This simply means I'm learning being at peace means letting go of perfection, of guilt when I fail, of the need to know or do everything, of the need to be "seen," all things which are in the long run the death of the mind. They will, quite literally, eat you alive.

Other assorted things I've learned in this year of over-committing -- and some of these seem so simple -- but I guess I'm a slow learner:

• Prioritizing is a gift. Choose projects and battles carefully; not every hill is a hill to die on.
• The companion of prioritizing is understanding the limits of one's time and energy. Extremely useful.
• Simplicity is good, listening is good, stilling the mind is imperative.
• When there is a need, patience with self and others comes in handy. Eventually that need will either be filled, or if it isn't, then it means it wasn't a priority to begin with.
• The death of a project is usually the birth of another project. Letting a project go where it wants to go can be a beautiful thing.
• One does not have to be at every meeting, run every project, facilitate every squabble. Knowing when to intervene and when to stay out is a necessary skill. Be judicious about stepping in, thoughtful about what you say or do when you intervene, and then step back and let things work.
• Ego is paradoxical, a plus and a minus, ying and yang. Being mindful of this in one's work, whether paid or volunteer, is useful. If I find myself obsessing about particular issues or problems, it is worth examining for overindulgence of the ego: Is this about how I will look to others, my own subjective opinion, or is it about the success of the project as a whole? If I step in now, am I stepping in to exercise necessary control, or am I stepping in to make sure everyone knows I'm in charge, the always brilliant expert (this is written with plenty of sarcastic twinkle)?
• Humbleness and humility are virtues. In an increasingly narcissist world filled with social media and 15 minutes of fame, it's quite easy to get caught up in believing one's own hype. This is a trap, a quagmire filled with falsehoods and an impediment to one's work. Doing my work humbly, stepping back and letting it be, keeps me centered. Throughout this year, over and over again, a line from verse 9 of the ancient wisdom of the Tao Te Ching has resonated with universal truth: "Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner."
• Sometimes just being empty brings clarity.

Any tips you'd like to share from an over-committing experience?

Follow your heart and dreams my friends and warmest wishes to all for a joyful, meaningful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude for our many blessings.

ThinkLady

12 days in October

For the past 12 days I've been living in an 850-square-foot adobe high on a hill in Santa Fe, New Mexico, house sitting for a friend who is celebrating a significant birthday with a dream trip to Italy.

I've been visiting Santa Fe since the late sixties but really don't remember much about it until 1982 when my first husband and I made a trip here. In the late eighties and early nineties my sister Cindi lived here and we had several adventures, and yet another set of treks to this enchanted city with Thinking Man and our family starting in the late nineties until just this past summer has added to the treasure chest of Santa Fe memories. Every visit Santa Fe weaves magic with 400-year history, diverse cultures and people, extraordinary food and of course, art.

Over the years I've watched Santa Fe evolve from a quixotic, dusty little historic town into a thriving international destination. While I enjoy the Santa Fe of high art, gourmet food, stunning multi-million dollar showplaces, window shopping on the plaza, and people watching at the farmers' market, for me it is this city's raw edges -- tiny, unpaved side streets, rambling, narrow byways, small adobes with rustic walled yards and vibrant, colored doors -- that are most appealing. In walking these pathways a more authentic time resonates.

New Mexico lives up to its moniker, Land of Enchantment, in every way, but in Santa Fe and northern New Mexico, as so many painters and writers have noted, the sky and light are particularly spectacular, mesmerizing in fact. I decided early on in my visit this time to take photos every day, several times a day from approximately the same place out the back window of the adobe, which overlooks the  mountains surrounding Ski Santa Fe slopes, and peeking over the shoulder of the mountains you can just see the tip of Santa Fe Baldy. I wanted to document how the sky and light evolved and intertwined with the mountains, trees and clouds.

It's been such a gift and an adventure being here with family, friends and with bits of solitude thrown into the mix and while I am happy to be returning home to my family, I'll definitely miss waking up to mountains outside my window every day, the fresh smell of pine, the scent of pinion smoke on a chilly evening.

I've watched a stunning array of Nature's moods out the back door here, and at one point after a beautiful early snow trekked high into the mountains at sundown to see even more of Nature's reverie. During these 12 days, the sky has transformed over and over again and in virtually every hour, sometimes every minute, it's been different. Colors, hues, tints, clouds, swirling, reforming, evolving, singing the sweet siren song of endless majesty. In some small way I hope the images in this photo album entitled "Offering," reflect Nature's timeless glory and serve as a reminder of all that's at stake in an increasingly crowded world.

Becoming Nature's apprentice

Reading The Sun magazine this morning. Inspiring article, "The Sincerest Form of Flattery: Janine Benyus On The Virtues of Imitating Nature."  Benyus is one of Time magazine's Heroes of the Environment, and came up with an emerging discipline called Biomimicry, which seeks sustainable solutions by emulating nature's designs and processes. For example, solar cells that mimic leaves, agriculture that models a prairie, businesses that run like redwood forests.

In the interview she says:

"Biomimicry is the practice of borrowing nature’s design principles to create more sustainable products and processes. When designers, engineers, architects, chemists, city planners, and so on have a problem to solve, I encourage them to ask, “What part of the natural world has already done what I’m trying to do?” With biomimicry we look to design principles in nature as examples for good behavior. I think of it as becoming nature’s apprentice."

I first heard of biomimicry several years ago from Jay Yowell, an Oklahoma City based architect and friend, and was fascinated with the concept but never explored it further. After reading the article, I'm determined to circle back to Benyus' book, "Biomimicry: Innovation Inspired by Nature" and become Nature's apprentice.

Pondering all this morning and wondered, what would happen if we all became Nature's apprentices? 

Hugh Jackman on being green

Hugh Jackman is a man of enormous talent and pretty awesome looking too. But I admire him most because he seems truly humble and genuine. That spirit comes through in this interview on Newsweek's site about his recent trip to Ethiopia and how it shaped his green state of  mind.

An open thank you to Ms. Sally Kern

Dear Ms. Kern —

Thank you so much for bringing to our attention this upcoming event for our school children with President Obama!

I’ve contacted my daughter’s school and let them know how excited our family is about the wonderful example our president is setting by encouraging kids to stay in school and get an education so they can learn how to read classic works such as “To Kill A Mockingbird,” “The Color Purple,” “Black Like Me,” “A Raisin in the Sun” and of course “Invisible Man,” by our own native son, Ralph Ellison! I’m sure, because you are so well-educated, that you know Mr. Ellison’s book won the National Book Award in 1953 and have read the book many times.

Anyway, as you know, these and other insightful works help break down the barriers of racial bigotry, hatred and social injustice that continue to haunt and plague our state to this day. Reading is kind of useful that way isn’t it!?!? LOL.

With leadership such as yours, I know that one day our state and country truly will become a place of “liberty and justice for all,” regardless of race, sexual orientation, gender, religion or socio-economic status. Many thanks again for all you do to help us all work together for a better, more cooperative, more tolerant and accepting community. Your exemplary civility in the Oklahoma House of Representatives and skills as a unifier are truly amazing.

Peace, love and justice --

ThinkLady